Loki's blog

Someone commented on Awit ng Pag-ibig XX and I just had to check out what she had translated. At first I thought it was Love Sonnet XLIV and so I was excited to read it. After reading the sonnet, I realized that I was wrong but I was glad I was. Now, I have another poem added to my favorites!

Hindi Kita Iniibig Kung Hindi Lamang sa Dahilang Iniibig Kita
(isinalin ni JuanaEkis mula sa I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You ni Pablo Neruda)

Hindi kita iniibig kung hindi lamang sa dahilang iniibig kita
Tumutungo ako mula sa pagkasi hanggang sa di-pagkasi,
Sa paghihintay hanggang sa pag-iwan
Binabaybay ng aking puso ang lamig at liyab

Iniiibig kita lamang at sapagkat ikaw ang aking nag-iisang mahal;
Malalim kitang kinamumuhian, at ang ika’y kamuhian,
Yumukod sa iyo, at ang sukatan ng aking di-nagmamaliw na pag-ibig
Ay sa hindi kita lubusang matanto subalit bulag kitang minamahal.

Maaring lalao’y tupukin ng liwanag ng Enero
Ang yaring puso, gamit ang malupit niyang
Sinag, at nakaw ang susi ng aking tunay na pagkapayapa.

Sa dakong ito, ako ang siyang
Namamatay, tanging ako lamang, at mamamatay akong umiibig, sapagkat iniibig kita
Sapagkat iniibig kita, irog ko, sa apoy at laman.

Now, here's the English version:

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

And finally, here it is in its original form:

No te quiero sino porque te quiero
y de quererte a no quererte llego
y de esperarte cuando no te espero
pasa mi corazón del frío al fuego.

Te quiero sólo porque a ti te quiero,
te odio sin fin, y odiándote te ruego,
y la medida de mi amor viajero
es no verte y amarte como un ciego.

Tal vez consumirá la luz de enero,
su rayo cruel, mi corazón entero,
robándome la llave del sosiego.

En esta historia sólo yo me muero
y moriré de amor porque te quiero,
porque te quiero, amor, a sangre y fuego.

Oh how I absolutely love Pablo Neruda's poetry!

Another sonnet by Pablo Neruda:

No te amo comi si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secremente, entre la sobra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amare de otra manera,

sino así de este mondo en que soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

Translated:

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations that fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-- An old friend of mine just IMed me suddenly to ask about my avatar.  It was a good thing since I wanted to talk to someone but didn't know who to talk to.  So there, we talked a while.  Funny how some things seem to happen right when you need it.  Thanks.

What use is database versioning system in Ruby on Rails if your team mates don't use them? o.o;; Argh! Now that I want to revert to an older version, it's hell! Using rake db:migrate VERSION=_ won't work properly unless I either use all the unedited files or all the new files ;_; Currently trying to it x.x

Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi.

Maisusulat ko, halimbawa: "Mabituin ang gabi
at nanginginig, bughaw ang mga tala sa malayo."

Lumiligid sa langit ang simoy-gabi at umaawit.

Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi.
Minahal ko siya, at minahal din niya ako paminsan-minsan.

Sa mga gabing ganito, ibinilanggo ko siya sa aking mga bisig.
Ulit-ulit ko siyang hinagkan sa lilim ng walang-hanggang langit.

Minahal niya ako, paminsan-minsan ko rin siyang minahal.
Sino ang hindi iibig sa kaniyang malalaki't mga matang tahimik?

Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi.
Maiisip kasing hindi na siya akin. Madaramang wala na siya sa akin.

Maririnig ang gabing malawak, at mas lumalawak kung wala siya.
At pumapatak sa kaluluwa ang bersong tila hamog sa pastulan.

Maano kung hindi siya mabantayan ng aking pag-ibig.
Mabituin ang gabi at hindi siya kapiling.

Ito na ang lahat. May umaawit sa malayo. Sa malayo.
Hindi mapanatag ang kaluluwa ko sa pagkawala niya.

Upang waring ilapit siya, hinahanap siya ng aking mata.
Hinahanap siya ng aking puso, at hindi siya kapiling.

Ganito rin ang gabing nagpapusyaw sa ganito ring mga punongkahoy.
Kami, sa tagpong iyon, ang nagbago.

Hindi ko na siya mahal, natitiyak ko, ngunit minahal ko siya nang todo.
Hinahanap ng tinig ko ang simoy upang hipuin ang kaniyang pandinig.

Nasa iba. Siya'y nasa iba. Tulad noong katalik siya ng aking mga halik.
Ang kaniyang tinig, malinaw na katawan. Ang kaniyang matang walang-hanggan.

Hindi ko na siya mahal, natitiyak ko, ngunit baka mahal ko siya.
Napakaikli ng pag-ibig, napakahaba ng paglimot.

Dahil sa mga gabing ganito na ibinilanggo ko siya sa aking mga bisig
hindi mapanatag ang kaluluwa ko sa pagkawala niya.

Kahit ito na ang huling pighating ipapataw niya sa akin,
at ito ang huling mga bersong isusulat ko para sa kaniya.

---

I found "Pablo Neruda: Mga Piling Tula" in the library today and above is "Puedo Escribir" (by Pablo Neruda) translated by Virgilio S. Almario into Filipino.If you're wondering why the title is "Awit ng Pag-Ibig XX" (translated "Love Song #20"), this song is the 20th song in "Veinte poemas de amor y una cancion desesperada" (translated "Twenty love songs and a song of despair").

Computer Addiction or Just Modern Life? Posted by ScuttleMonkey on Tuesday February 14, @10:29PM Ant writes to tell us that ABC News has an interesting look at computer addiction and what it might take to be considered addicted in today's society. From the article: "Video games and the Internet have been subject to suspicion since the computer became a household fixture. One complaint: People get sucked into spending enormous amounts of time on the computer, to the detriment of other parts of their life. But are they addicted? The answer depends on what you mean by 'addicted.' Most experts say computers are not addictive in the same sense that drugs are, but they could be on the same level as gambling."

The world becomes smaller through the internet. Loads of information are waiting to be found. Either that, or publish your own. The internet has truly helped with communication. Sending documents, pictures, and other data is no problem with the help of e-mail, file sharing and the like. These are all happening in the virtual world, but the social aspects are very real. I guess this is why "computer addiction" is somewhat like gambling. We put in some time and hope to gain even a little from it in any aspect, but mostly socially. Unfortunately, it is difficult to call virtual communities communities. Although there may be discussions, actions or movements of individuals or groups in the community, one can always opt to "quit" the community temporarily or forever. Also, communities can get too large and quickly change in number that makes it hard to recognize individuals. In online or networked games, one can be part of a guild or clan. One may have started it, be invited into it, or requested for membership. But if one decides to stop being a member, one can just press a button and quit the group. The same goes with forums and lists. One can choose to participate, lie low, or just leech information. With all these movements and instability in the virtual world, it cannot be helped that it becomes fragmented. And with this fragmented world comes a fragmented individual. Thinking again, rarely are people able to self-actualize themselves in the greater scheme, but are often able to in smaller social groups. And sometimes, that's all that matters because in these groups are those people that truly matter to them.

Manila stadium stampede kills 88A stampede outside a sports stadium in the Philippines capital, Manila, has left at least 88 dead, many of them women, with more than 200 injured. Tens of thousands of people had come to the stadium for the first anniversary recording of a popular TV gameshow. Rumours of a bomb hidden in the crowd reportedly caused the crush. The Wowowee show is popular for offering large cash prizes in a country where 40% of the population live on less than $2 a day. The show, which airs six days a week, normally offers a 1m peso ($19,250) top prize, but Saturday's anniversary edition had doubled that money. "This is a programme that intends to help Filipinos, especially the poor," said host Willie Revillame. "We only wanted to make these people happy." Gates barred About 30,000 people were waiting to get into the Ultra stadium in the Manila suburb of Pasig - significantly more than the usual 5,000 who attend recordings. The programme, produced by ABS-CBN television, had never used the stadium before. As well as rumours of a bomb, other witnesses said the crush began when guards refused to open the gates to the stadium. Vice-President Noli de Castro visited the scene of the disaster. "We did not want this to happen. It's just that there were so many people wanting to watch Wowowee because of the big prizes awaiting them," he said. Bodies covered in sheets were lined up beside a police cordon at the stadium. Merquieades Salazar, 45, wept over the body of his wife. The couple, jobless, wanted to enter a raffle run by the programme. "In the desire to win money, she is the one I lost," he said. Presenter Willie Revillame said the show would go ahead to provide information for the injured and their relatives. But police said the show, scheduled to begin at 1300 (0500GMT), should be stopped. "The show must be cancelled so that people will go back to their homes," said Manila's police chief, Vidal Querol.

---

It's sad that ABS-CBN just wanted to make these people happy...or this is what they say. But with all the issues floating around them and stuff, one cannot help but doubt their true intentions. Do they value life & happiness or do they just want the money (even if it involves exploiting these people)?...but I guess that's another story. So what went wrong? Do we blame the ones in need: Plain stupidty, fear of the bomb, the desire to win, ...? The organziers: Unforseen scenario, negligence, ...? Others: Allowing people to such a state of great need, etc...? In the end, lives were lost and nothing can be done about it. Yes, we can blame but we cannot turn back time and recover those who were lost.

May the Filipinos enjoy this glorious day for one our heroes, Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao, has proven himself worthy of the win long past. May the Filipinos feel proud of who they are. May they forget about all their troubles and worries on this day of victory. Each day there are those who are oppressed. Each day there are those who suffer. Each day there are those who are forgotten. But on this day, we are united as one. Let us jump, shout, cry, or what, for we are exhuberated over his victory. Let the Filipinos be happy. Let the Filipino be proud. The flame may keep burning tomorrow, the day after, and even long after. However, there is still a tomorrow where we have to go back to our lives.

Violence

• exertion of physical force so as to injure or abuse
• injury by or as if by distortion, infringement, or profanation
• intense, turbulent, or furious and often destructive action or force
(taken from

Merriam-Webster Online)

During history class, we briefly talked about the seppukku/hara kiri (ritual suicide through belly-slitting) and jigai, its counterpart for females. A very honorable thing to do at that time, but a amusing topic today? The teacher told us about the different steps in the ritual and other stuff. He told us how dishonorable it was to not restrain oneself from reacting from the pain. He also told us how other females would opt to use the aid of the wall to force a blade through the throat, into the spine and out the other side. Then, we talked about how someone who completely beheaded another [such that the head rolled on the ground = dishonorable] who just finished with the ritual would have to perform the ritual himself. During the discussion, a lot of hypothetical situations were raised. There wasn't a minute without laughter or jeers. Is a loss of life such an amusing topic? I guess it's because the blank wasn't filled in. We couldn't sympathize with someone general. Besides that, something done unintentionally could be potentially funny. But put yourself in their shoes and see if you'd still be laughing. I think we're mature enough to laugh in the face of death. We understand its seriousness and then learn to look at it from a lighter side. A good thing is that we are able to openly talk about these things with little to no restriction. But then, we must be careful with our liberty, our being free from control. Should any offense be taken, laugher turns into dead silence.

We had our first meeting with the History teacher today....he kind of reminds me of another history teacher in AdMU, Mr. Alejandrino (I know him because he was my Soc. Sci. teacher during 3rd year HS).

Sometime in the middle of class, he said something like: "the world doesn't work for the shy." It stuck me since I have experienced this a lot of times. It's really pathetic. The shy ones don't get their ideas up front. The shy ones watch in the background. The shy ones don't get noticed.

What is being shy in the first place?

1 : easily frightened
2: disposed to avoid a person or thing
3: hesitant in committing oneself
4: sensitively diffident or retiring
5: secluded, hidden
6: having less than the full or specified amount or number
7: disreputable

Source: http://www.m-w.com

Two, three, four, five...that's me! I may not be as shy right now but it still disturbs me. There were a lot of things that I could have shared, done and said before and that's why I try to make up for these things now.

Why am I shy in the first place? I guess it's because I fear embarrassment and judgement (I think there's a better word for this...). I don't want others to think of me wrongly. But then, so what? If they don't like who I am, then it's not my fault anymore.

I don't want to be shy...

I want to and will become more assertive and agressive with what I do (but of course, still remain balanced)...